


Red Bull Coffee seemed like a good idea

by barrysspeed



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, F/M, M/M, how is clint still alive tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 09:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17506427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barrysspeed/pseuds/barrysspeed
Summary: In which Clint just wants to sleep but he's the mentor of a bunch of twelve-year-olds instead.But if you ask the twelve-years-olds, they just want to sleep but they're taking care of an elderly man instead.





	Red Bull Coffee seemed like a good idea

“Stop drinking that crap.” Katie rolls her eyes at Clint walking into his apartment without knocking.

 

“Good morning to you too, Katie” Clint smirks pouring some cold, day old coffee into a mug and taking a sip without bothering to heat it up.

 

“Your trademark Red Bull coffee is worrisome but more importantly bad, I have had to start going to Starbucks on my way to your apartment.” Kate says taking a sip of her latte jumping up to sit on Clint’s counter.

 

Clint’s face after he took a sip was a clear giveaway he agreed “How was your date with America last night?” he said switching their coffees despite Kate’s protest.

 

“For the hundredth and last time it was not a date!” Katie shrieked.

 

“Woah girlie watch the ears, new ones are too sensitive to twelve-year-old girls.” Clint said touching one of his years and adjusting something.

 

Katie rolled her eyes, but still quickly signed _Sorry_ with her free hand. “Give me my coffee back please” she added being conscious of her volume.

 

Clint rolled his eyes and handed the coffee back adding “America?” and taking his old coffee back.

 

“I just don’t know how to do this girl thing this whole being gay and super into someone who is also a girl is so new to me.” Katie groaned leaning back so her head touched one of Clint’s cabinets.

 

Clint laughed “What happened Katie-girl?”

 

“Nothing! That’s the problem!” Katie said putting her hands on her face.

 

Taking advantage of Kate’s lack of sight Clint smirked and reached for the coffee, but Kate somehow knew and immediately moved it causing Clint’s face to immediately fall.

 

“No offense Katie and I don’t mean this in a "homophobic" way but in a "I’m your older friend and don’t like imagining your sex life" type of way, but don’t you have a young friend you can talk this to?” Clint sighed rubbing his eyes.  

 

“You mean you don’t want to hear the dream I had about going- “Clint didn’t hear to rest because he took his ears out and turned around.

 

“Going to bed” he signed not turning around to see her inevitably sign back that it was only 10 am and he had just woken up.

 

Kate sighed and reached for her phone to see who she could text.

 

\--

 

When Clint woke up again it was 4 hours later and this time around, he felt a little more refreshed and at least kind of ready to take on the day. He reaches for his hearing aids and as soon as he puts them in, he hears _It_.

 

_It_ being the sound of too many twelve-year-olds in his apartment. “Aw, Katie.” Clint groans preparing himself for entering the living room to see the children.

 

He enters and sees a bunch of Katie’s dumb tolerable friends. He doesn’t say anything but instead walks to the coffee machine. “Hey, who made coffee?” Clint groans after taking a sip and spitting it out. The tweens immediately all silenced.

 

“Loki did.” Kate smirked.

 

“Come on Clint, your Red Bull coffee is disgusting.” Loki groaned throwing a look at Kate for throwing him under the bus even though she took part in that.

 

“You’re now my least favorite- Red Bull coffee is gross but effective.” Clint said joining the tweens in the living room as Lucky followed him.

 

“Clint your health choices are weird and honestly worrisome, but I enjoy watching them” Teddy laughed taking a sip of some healthy-looking smoothie, which Clint kind of resents because people who pay attention to the real food pyramid instead of Clint’s (which is made of entirely of different sources of caffeine) irritates Clint.

 

“Whatever Billy” Clint says causing Teddy to scoff.

 

“Clint, you know I’m Teddy and that he’s” Teddy points to the boy to his left frustrated “Billy, we’ve been coming over your apartment unannounced for years this is getting old.”

 

“Whatever, Katie is the only one of you tweens that I care about” Clint says taking a sip of his, he hates to admit delicious and easy to drink, coffee.

 

Katie smiles for second before letting it fall “I don’t really know how to react to that statement so I’m moving on- now that everyone I care about is here, we can talk about the matter at hand. My sex life.” She finishes by crossing her legs and putting her hands on them.

 

The room’s response was full of groans, other than Loki’s laughs.

 

“Or the lack of it” Katie adds causing more groans and more laughs.

 

“So I’m taking it that the not-date-date didn’t go well last night.” Loki smirked reaching to pet Lucky as Clint slapped his hand.

 

“Did you walk her to her apartment last night?” Noh-Varr asked from his place on the couch next to Teddy and Billy.

 

“No but- “interrupted by groans “let me finish! She walked me to mine!” followed by more groans.

 

“Kate no offense but that was a bad choice.” Billy pointed out.

 

“What why? How is it different than the other way around?” Kate asked confused.

 

“Katie even I know the answer to that” Clint laughed getting up to get more coffee.

 

“Oh so what did you say about my coffee before?” Loki said turning his head to watch Clint walk to the kitchen.

 

“Shut up, it’s just a way of getting caffeine into my body” Clint muttered, knowing it wasn’t true.

 

“Oh my god everyone shut up about coffee and tell me what I did wrong” Kate complained putting her face in her hands.

 

“Katie, take it from me, a huge ladies man” Clint said putting his hand on her shoulder taking a pause to take a sip of his coffee and look into the distance.

 

“Before you end this dramatic pause- didn’t every woman you ever love leave you?” Noh-Varr smirked.

 

“Well I mean Natasha had no choice to leave, she was deported” Teddy added

 

“I mean Bobbi had no choice either, Clint’s too much of a mess to stay with” Loki smirked.

 

“He loves Kate!” Cassie smiles.

 

“But that’s a different kind of love” Teddy adds.

 

“As a huge ladies man” Clint continues “If I was ever on a date and my date took me back to her _daddy’s_ place, I wouldn’t have sex with her either.”

 

“Oh my god” Kate groans “Duh, America has her own place in Brooklyn- but we were in midtown! That’s closer to the upper east side than Brooklyn!” Kate tries to defend herself.

 

“You tried to take a _Brooklyn native_ to your dad’s upper east side pent house to have sex with her wow that truly is gold” Loki laughs standing up from the floor.

 

“Better luck next time” Noh-Varr smiles at her.

 

“Loki and I have work- do you guys want to share a cab with us since we’re passing your apartment?” Noh-Varr asked putting his jacket on getting ready to enter the cold Manhattan air.

 

“Sure, we didn’t have morning sex yet so we should head home” Billy said getting up.

 

“Oh my god are any of you tweens old enough to have sex?” Clint complained as Kate’s friends left his apartment.

 

“Why don’t you call her? You’re already in Brooklyn.” Cassie added right before she walked out to catch her train.

 

Katie looked down at her phone on the coffee table.

 

\--

 

“So who am I meeting again?” America asked as Katie and her waited for their subway.

 

“Ok, one final walk through.” Katie huffed, out of nervousness not frustration, as she walked onto the train with America behind her. “So, Noh-Varr he’s my ex-boyfriend we dated until I realized I was a huge lesbian.”

 

America laughed at this. Katie blushed a little, maybe she was oversharing out of anxiety.

 

“And then there is Billy and Teddy, I’m not going to introduce them separately because they’re just one entity. Don’t worry about which one is which just say it as one name BillyandTeddy.” Kate smirked at herself for that one, it was clever she was going to make that joke in front of Loki and Clint they’ll get a kick out of it.

 

“What about Clint?” America asked interrupting Kate’s flow.

 

“Clint? Oh he’s not going to be there. He doesn’t really leave his apartment and he’s not actually their friend he’s really only really my friend but he kind of likes them. I don’t know he’s my older friend. Anyway the gang is only ever with him when I invite them over his apartment without his permission” Kate says thinking about how weird it must sound to her.

 

America laughs “When will I be invited to his apartment?” She asks standing up since they got to their stop.

 

Kate stares at that _She wants to come to my friend’s apartment to just make fun of him_ “Oh well it’s never planned, but it happens multiple times a week, I’ll add you to the group chat.” Kate smiles.

"Cassie is like a girlier verison of me, reasonable smart you know just list the best characteristics of me." Kate smirks

 

"Obnoxious, over-confident..." America teases.

 

 Kate sticks her tongue out at America“And finally, Loki. He’s like a younger Clint. Annoying and you should be worried about his general well-being almost all of the time. You’ll like him.” Kate smiles at America walking up the stairs into the cold New York air.

 

“They sound awesome babe, can’t wait to meet them” America smiles back.

 

_Ohmygodohmygodohmygod_ Kate has to text someone to warn them that tonight is the night, and everyone better be cool but it’s too late they’re at Billy’s and Teddy’s building and she’s freaking out and she’s finally going to have sex.

 

“BillyandTeddy so nice to meet you!” America smirked as the door opened and there was two boys behind it.

 

“America! Thanks for coming!” Billy smiles letting the two girls into his apartment.

 

“Where’s your bathroom?” America asked and Teddy went to show her.

 

“Billy, I’m freaking out tonight it the night.” Kate says shrugging off her purple coat and hanging it up.

 

“Are you sure? The subway ride from here to the upper east side is in fact shorter than the subway ride to Brooklyn.” Billy smirks.

 

“Shove off.” Kate rolled her eyes walking into the living room to be greeted by cheap booze and a slightly tipsy Loki.  

 --

 

“Come on girlie, let’s go” America laughs as a drunk Kate leans against her trying to get her to the subway station.

 

“We’re going the wrong way. We can’t take the six train to Brooklyn, that stops in China Town.” Kate says stopping in the middle of the side walk.

 

“Well babe that’s because you don’t live in Brooklyn in you live in the classy upper east side.” America laughs taking Kate’s hand trying to pull her towards the subway station.

 

“Nope, we’ve got take the M train, come on this way.” Kate said crossing the street without looking both ways.

 

“Oh my god Kate be careful. And the M train? Why? That goes back to my neighborhood not yours.” America says trying to catch up to a speedy Kate.

 

“Oh my god America get there faster.” Kate laughed pausing letting America catch up to her.

 

“Get where fas- oh.” America laughed.

 

“Yeah oh.” Kate laughed even more grabbing America’s hand leading her to the M train.

 

\--

 

The next morning America woke up to Kate pulling her old of bed saying, “Come on Clint called a meeting.” And America thought as she threw on a pair of sweats and snow boots, she could get used to this.

 

\--

 

It turns out America could get used to the whole sex thing, but Kate’s friends? A little harder to get used to. Not in a “I don’t like them- chose me or them?” type of way but in a “Kate attracts people who are the human version of baby birds with broken wings” type of way.

 

As America slept on Kate’s shoulder on the L train and then the 3 train and wow Brooklyn is so big, she heard Kate talking on the phone to Noh-Varr she thinks? That Clint has never called a meeting, really only Kate called full-full meetings, everyone else calls “meeting minus Clint” unless something was drastically wrong. So basically, Kate thinks something is drastically wrong.

 

America followed Kate close behind as she heard Kate talk about how this has to be Bobbi, it’s always Bobbi, a lot of expletives and the name Bobbi over and over, as they walked from the subway to Clint’s building before Kate stormed up the stairs and slammed- how does someone slam a door open America thinks to herself as she watches Kate in her angry state and wow the things America would do to her if they were in private right now-

 

“Hey Katie, is this America?” a man who is butt naked other than an apron says from the stove. America assumes this man with a hairless ass which she can see the entirety of it, is Clint.

 

_Katie (_ America didn’t know she was allowed to call Kate _Katie_ which she kind of likes the idea of) rushed to the naked Clint and started lifting his arms investigating his body for bruises or something America assumes, America is confused but also hungry, so she steals a scone from the very beautiful island that is littered with lots of food.

 

“Hey, what are you doing? Tell her she has to wait until everyone gets here- hey Katie what are you doing- HEY” Clint finishes angrily as Katie pokes him with a butter knife in the side. “There is nothing wrong with me.” Clint rolls his eyes putting a pancake he just finished to a large of already finished ones.

 

“Not only did you call your first meeting, you called your first meeting on a Sunday morning- hangover hour. Someone better be dead, Clint.” Loki says walking inside of Clint’s apartment with sunglasses on. “Is this Red Bull coffee?” Loki says grabbing a mug from the cabinets and reaching for the coffee machine.

 

“Yes” Clint replies.

 

“Good.” Loki sighs pouring a large cup.

 

“He’s right Clint, someone better be dead.” Kate pauses “Can you put pants on? Or at least underwear?”

 

Clint rolls his eyes but still goes to walk up the stairs, taking his apron off causing Loki and Katie to object.

 

“Who died?” Billy said as he walked into Clint’s apartment Teddy and Cassie close behind.

 

“No I’m telling you it’s a girl.” Teddy says putting his arm around Billy.

 

"Oh my god I'm never taking the train with them again" Cassie sighs.

 

“What if it’s what was that name you were saying over and over on the way here, Katie?” America tuned in.

 

“Bobbi?” Kate asked confused. _Katie?_

“Yeah, she’s dead.” America smirks sitting down putting her feet up on an empty seat.

 

"Oh my god, I hope so" Cassie laughs sitting down.

 

Clint laughed at the conservation walking into the room, now wearing clothes

 

“Oh thank god I never want to see your dick again” Loki mutters putting his head down trying to make everything less bright.

 

“You saw his dick?” Noh-Varr asked walking in with Starbucks in his hand.

 

“Oh thank you god everyone is here, tell us what happened Clint.” Kate says reaching out to start making her plate.

 

“Nope, not everyone is here.” Clint smirks smacking her hand, so she dropped the scramble eggs.

 

“What do you mean not everyone is here?” Kate says giving Clint a death stare.

 

“Oh my god, Clint do you have a kid?” Billy asks.

 

“A kid where would you get that?” Clint asks laughing.

 

“I don’t know that’s where my mind went.” Billy shrugs taking Teddy’s plate to start to serve him breakfast.

 

“Oh my god, no eating until she gets here.” Clint says starting to move the food off the table to the counter, out of reach.

 

“So, you have a daughter?” Teddy laughs.

 

“Definitely not his daughter, that would be weird.” Bobbi laughs walking into Clint’s apartment taking off her coat.

 

“I guess we don’t like her.” America whispers to Kate as the silence spreads over the group staring at the blonde who just walked in.

 

“ **Fuck** **no**.” Kate says standing up.

 

\--

 

It takes about ten minutes to get Kate into another room, and it takes Noh-Varr, Teddy and America to do it.

 

“He’s fucking kidding me, right? He’s not doing this again, he’s the dumbest person I’ve ever met in my life.” Katie paces when Noh-Varr closes the room to Clint’s bedroom.

 

“I don’t think he is.” Noh-Varr says sitting down on Clint’s bed.

 

“Well, then” Kate pauses “I’m done with him! If he wants to make the same mistakes over and over, I’m not going to pick his drunken body up and make sure he eats something other than caffeine pills.”

 

“You aren’t done with him and you’re still going to make sure he eats real food and drinks water.” America says leaning against the door rolling her eyes.

 

“I know” Katie sighs sitting down onto Clint's bed.

 

“So who is she?” America asks.

 

“Clint’s ex of like three times now.” Teddy supplies from his corner of the room.

 

“Her and Clint do this thing where Clint loves her and she doesn’t love him and she just walks in and out of his life whenever she wants, not caring about all the pain she causes.” Noh-Varr says as if it was no big deal.

 

“Last time she left Clint only ate sour patch kids and drank red bull for four days, I’m pretty sure he almost died.” Teddy adds.

 

“That’s not even the beginning of it- she breaks his heart and I am always there for him while he cries,” Kate sighs, ”don’t tell him I said that” she rolls her eyes.

 

“Ok so call another meeting without Clint at someone else’s place so we can come up with a plan.” America states obviously.

 

“A plan for what?” Katie asks looking up from her lap.

 

“To break them up.” America shrugs, “The faster it happens the less pain it will cost.”


End file.
